March 9, 2010

There is a debate among fanboys.  It goes a little something like this: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (ToD) is a better movie than Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (CS) because of x, y, and z.  I think it’s safe to say that most people would assert the dominance of Temple of Doom based solely on its old school effects and decidedly more gritty story, but I take issue with this.  As a matter of fact, I’ll go so far as to say that the two films are equal in their goodness (or, depending on your point of view, their lack thereof).  But not only that: I would also assert that they are, in fact, almost the same movie.  After having watched each of these “adventures” time and again, I’ve picked up on some similarities that, for whatever reason, many people seem to have overlooked.  To quote Thomas Jefferson and the Declaration of Independence, “To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.”

In both ToD and CS, Indiana manages to survive seemingly inescapable scenarios not long after the opening moments.  In ToD, Indy finds himself in an airplane with no pilot and no fuel.  All of the parachutes have been taken by Lao Che’s thugs.  What they didn’t commandeer, however, was a self-inflating life raft.  Advising Willie and Short Round to hold on, the trio leaps from the airplane with nothing more than a yellow raft separating them from an ugly encounter with a snowy mountainside at terminal velocity.  In what seems an act of sheer ridiculousness, the raft inflates safely and the threesome manages to land gently on a snowbank.  They then careen off of a giant cliff and find themselves in a river.  If it sounds utterly implausible, believe me when I say that it looks that way too.  There’s a big “but” to all of this, however, and it comes in the form of a Mythbusters episode where it’s proven that using a raft as a parachute is entirely possible (and, given the right conditions, not a bad option).

Let’s fast-forward to the ’50s; you know, that beloved era when Indy is taking on communism and a short-haired swashbuckler named Irina Spalko.  After narrowly escaping Hanger 51, Dr. Jones finds himself in an oddly picturesque ghost town in the middle of the desert. He realizes something’s wrong when the first house he enters is filled with manequines instead of live people.  When he hears an ominous voice announce the countdown of a nuclear weapon in “T-minus 1 minute,” he knows things are headed south at a high rate of speed.  Knowing he can’t escape the blast radius of the bomb, he does what any sane person would do: hides inside a lead-lined refrigerator. Not only does this protect him from the searing flames of the first shockwave, it catapults him far beyond the fallout zone and into a safe area (we know it’s safe because prairie dogs abound).

I’ll be the first to admit that surviving a several thousand foot drop by holding onto a raft is much more realistic than riding out a nuclear explosion in a fridge, but you have to admit that they both really push the envelope of believability.  A coincidence?  I think not.

In terms of characters, both ToD and CS feature young sidekicks.  In ToD, we have the infamous Short Round.  He’s a fast-talkin’ kung-fu master who won’t be diggin’ for a lost Shakara stone if he has anything to say about it.  In CS, we’ve got Mutt Williams. He’s also a street-smart youngin’ with a few tricks up his sleeve.  In both films, we see shades of Indiana in each of these young protagonists.  in ToD, this is manifested in the scene where Indy is fighting the bearded brute on the conveyor belt.  In the background we see Short Round throwing similar punches as he brawls with the brainwashed Prince.  In CS, Mutt takes on the “act first, ask questions later” mantle that personified the young version of Indiana.

Unfortunately, each of these movies also treats us to a handful of exceedingly stupid scenes that aren’t easily forgotten.  Toward the middle of ToD, we’re forced to witness Willie Scott scream hysterically as she encounters snakes, bats, and other ungodly creatures of the night in the middle of the jungle.  In Indiana’s most recent escapade, we witness the same sort of thing in the “quicksand” (yes, I know it’s not actually quicksand) scene.  Mutt rescues Indy by pulling him out with a large snake.

Then we’ve got the classic mine cart chase scene from ToD.  In this, Short Round is caught between two opposing mine carts as a rock face rapidly approaches.  Cut to CS, and you’ve got Mutt fencing his enemies while being “split” between two traveling army vehicles. I know Spielberg is the master of recycling certain scenes (which he often does with unbridled gusto and creativity), but gee-whiz: this is an exact replica.

And let’s not forget the familiar brainwashing syndrome. With ToD, we witness Indiana transform as he’s forced to ingest the Blood of Kali.  He almost regresses to the same primitive state in CS when he’s strapped to a chair and made to stare at an uncovered crystal skull.  In a very real sense, though, Abner Ravenwood is stuck in a sort of hypnotic trance which drives him to do all he can to return the stolen skull to its rightful owner.  So, again, “brainwashing” seems to be a persistent themes in each of these films.

Then there’s the trademark of each Indiana Jones flick: the disgusting creature that swarms in the catacomb, temple, or otherwise mysterious environ.  In both ToD and CS, bugs are present.  In ToD, viewers are treated to a myriad of centipedes, cockroaches, and the like.  In CS, it’s a legion of “big damn ants.”  One could certainly argue that tarantulas are present in Raiders of the Lost Ark, but the “featured creatures” of that particular move are snakes.

As asserted earlier, these similarities speak for themselves.  Don’t get me wrong: I actually like both of these movies, and if I had to rate them they’d both receive a generous 3.5 out of 5 stars.  I stand by my argument, though, that, in many ways, they’re the same movie.  This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I think it’s a fair observation.

Regarding the age-old debate of which is better, this fan will say simply that I think they’re tied for third place.  A lot of people will disagree with me on this, and that’s fine.  Send me your comments, and I just might post some of the rebuttals.

–Chris Flowers

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